20-Minutes of Awesome

I've had a frustrating few days. My children have been stuck in the house on top of having challenging developmental moments. Appropriate for their ages, yes, but no less frustrating. On top of this, I've been going through some internal conflict (a bit of an existential crisis, if you will) over work, parenting, friendships, parenting and friends, you name it, I'm there. I don't share my feelings well, as shocking as that may seem. You may always know when I'm upset, but I'll likely never tell you what is the actual problem is (with a couple of exceptions). It eats at me, I push it back and then, I shut down for a couple of days (healthy, no?) and return to the world a slightly chipped version of myself. That's how I am and have always been.

For the past couple of days, I've felt an overwhelming sense of negativity throughout my self. I have felt not like me, (not in a depressed-not-like-me, but a I-don't-know-who-I-am-not-like-me). Today, I decided to change that or at least let it go for periods of time. I call it "appreciating my 20-minutes of awesome". For 20-minutes, my kids and I built a dinosaur habitat. And it was huge. And it was fun. We had 20-minutes of awesome.

For 20-minutes, K stomped like a dinosaur in paint. We laughed, we giggled and enjoyed her growls and silly faces. And it was fun. We had 20-minutes of awesome.

For 20-minutes, I put the phone down and ignored calls/texts/FB (except to occasionally snap a pic). I. Was. Present. And, that's it, isn't it? To be present? In the moment. For 20-minutes, I didn't dwell on my internal struggles, but focused on what was happening right now. I can't promise that I will be even moderately good at this, but for 20-minutes, I'm going to be awesome, by being present.