Not my time

 I often want to know what an outcome will bring. Which is confusing because I'm also a very laid-back kind of person. It's like inside of this Labrador lives an anxious Chihuahua--anxious, fearful, a little snippy sometimes. Which brings me to my reading today. 

"For everyone who asks, receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be answered," Matthew 7:8

I am a firm believer in instant gratification, which is the Chihuahua in me, I guess. I put in work, I do what I'm "supposed" to, and I want everything to work as I want it to work. And more importantly, I want it to work on my time frame. I often forget to live into what is actually happening in the moment. I'm so concerned for where I think I should be that I feel frustrated if that is not happening.

Matthew tells us that we will receive--not when, or what, but because we asked we will receive. Matthew says if we search, we will find--not what we will find. And Matthew says, everyone who knocks, the door will be answered--but doesn't say immediately. 

It's like when the kids in the neighborhood come over to play, but we're not ready, it's not time for play, yet, and we don't answer the door. We do eventually find our way outside, but it's when we're ready. And that is okay. So why is it so hard for me to wait on God to do things in the right time? Or to not recognize when I have received the answer, especially if it's something I wasn't necessarily hoping for.

 I'm not sure why it is such a challenge, but in reading the OT reading from Leviticus, I'm also learning the importance of a Sabbath. A day of waiting with family, of rest, of reset...perhaps building in more of these days will offer me the space to appreciate what is to come. Or when my inner Chihuahua anxiously rears its head, I can have a restful space to encounter it.