I am not zen. I am, in fact, quite the opposite. I am an enormous ball of energy that has a really hard time settling down. I have been working so hard to meditate, to just 'be' with my body and mind, but it is so difficult for me; I am coming to terms with the fact that I may never be 'zen'. That is, until yesterday when I learned a very important lesson in mindfulness and zen from my IKEA end table.
If you have every owned anything from IKEA, you know that most of the time the instructions may as well be ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics; taking more time to decipher than you are willing to take. So, naturally, I decided to not look at the instructions and just go for it. I mean, really, how hard could it be? I began in earnest, shoving, pounding and pushing screws into the legs. I put so much pressure on them to get the legs into the table that my arms were extremely sore and I hadn't even gotten one freakin' leg in. That is when I sensed a change come over me, I felt frustrated, I felt like throwing the whole thing out the window, I felt like quitting to let Brett do it when he got home.
After a few moments of self-loathing, I stopped and thought, "Kelin, come on, it is a table! How is this a sign of being a failure?" That is when I decided to do a guided meditation. I imagined my mind only as a white, blank canvas; I just sat in that stillness and guided myself to this blank state. After a few moments, I realized that, I DID IT! I had just cleared my mind! Suddenly, I knew what to do with the table. It also required gentleness and slowness, rather than pressure and pounding. I gently twisted each leg into place, guiding each thought to correspond to the turning of the leg. Each turn, I visioned a more brilliant white, I thought of nothing. My mind was blank. By the last turn, I felt so cleansed and peaceful. It was the most wonderful feeling.
Fast forward a few hours, I tried it again, but my mind was not ready. I am learning that being 'zen' is a lot of work and a lot of mindfulness. I am getting there, it is a slow process, but I truly feel that when my mind is cleared of all of the 'junk' I put in there, I can better hear "the voice of the one calling in the wilderness". I'm still sorting out life, with all of the ups, downs and in-betweens it comes with. I know where I want to go, but I don't know how I'm going to get there. I do know the journey is a process that should be regarded with gentleness, peacefulness and, most importantly, mindfulness because the process is just as important as the journey itself. I may never be described as 'zen', but I can certainly work to calm myself so I can be gentle with myself, all of which translates into how I relate to others.
I hope you all have a gentle day. Be kind to yourself, be mindful of yourself and be gentle to yourself. When we can achieve this, we can certainly be kind to, mindful of and gentle with those around us. Remember, as I am reminding myself, this cannot be achieved overnight and may not come easily all the time, but this 'zen' is worth trying for, I have to believe that.
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